How I feal,,,

Life is such a journey some times I dont know what to do or say.. Life is such a gift at the same time the paper that this gift of life is wroped up in slips and gives you this paper cut that hurts.. Yet even thow it hurts some times you never give up you keep tarring away at the papper layer by layer some of the layers are mearly brown paper yet sometimes its the most beautiful paper you had ever seen...

Life is as painful as it could be... some times your in a room filed with people yet you feal all alone..some times all I wan to do is curl up and hide from your heart...

The quesyion I have right now is do I have what it taked to get threw this journey do I have what it taked to keep walking even when my heart wants to scream out are jump out of my chesy and stay on the floor...

O a wisper of a prayer is screeming out of my chest pleas God give me straingth......
I want to run but I know I have to stay...
Pleas God give me straingth I dont want to be here right now I dont want to feal so much pain I dont want to feal so alone I dont want to feal like how I feal in this moment I dont feal the least bit happy in this moment...

Even thow I walk threw this vally I will fear no eavel for you are with me you are my straingth you are my shealed you are every thing I need or want even thow I dont like where I am I know you are right next to me fiving me once again to walk threw a fire I dont want to go threw.. God you are here right now and I thank you for that I thank you.....

I love you God with every thing that is with in me you are my lover you are my hope in every part of my life you see beauty in me even when I feal so broken... You see me as how I should be you see me lovely... Take me in your hand and cary me in to the place you want me to be..

Take my chin in your hand, take me hand in yours and once again give me the straingth to keep walking every day you have for me!

Broken

Tears fill my eyes,

I cant seam to move from this place

a weight so heavy is upon my heart

my hands tied be hind my back

I'm falling helplessly on my knees

I'm screaming with in no one truly know what I'm going threw

I don't want to let any one in

I don't want to stand up

I just want to let all the petals fall from the rose

the sound of weeping fills the room, but no words to explain how hopeless I feel right now,

My wings have broken and I cant fly from this dark place

o Abba father Help me I'm screen I cant do this on my own,

I want to run from my self

I have reached the edge and I'm going to fall over,

O GOD HELP ME HELP ME O GOD I'M FALLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A heard Day

Do you ever just realy want to cry.. Well today is one of thows dats. My heart is so fule of painful things going on around me I just want to let go some times. But I dont know where I wold fall to. The world around me is falling appart around me and I feal so helpless. I can fix any thing I can hold on to any thing at all. Every where I go I'm getting attacked. I wish I could run but I know I cant go any where...
Sigh tears pleas come I need to cry so bad I'm screaming inside right now. I heat how I feal I pheat whats going on around me. I heat to see my family being attacked..
NO NO NO I will not let my self get hurt any more. I'm almost mad at me for letting it get to that point I know so much better.. I wish I could push every one away some times but I know I cant do that.. I feal my self braking and falling on my nees no one can see it but I am I am!!!!!

As the tears lyne my face I cant seam to find the words to say.
I wonder to my self how did I let it get this far I feal so stuped and flush
I want to run away from this place and hide in my Daddys arms
This place is not where I want to be I heat in indead
Give me wings and I will sore
Give me a way out of this place and I will run untill I loos all my straingth
I long to be loves I long to be held but now its mearly a slap in my face'
Every hand that once help me had also slaped me in the face
I curl up in pain trying no to explod
I feal so alone some times I wish I could run in to heaven to my lovers arms,
Do I have to hold back the tears
can I just let it all pore out
I'm poring out my heart tears run with out any restraints trying to finde a place i'm safe
no one knows me
do I know me
o daddy
o daddy
o daddy
o daddy
o my love I need they
my heart is braking a thousand times this night
i'm not alone in this place but in my heart its only you and me
i'm pushing every one away I'm screaming in pain as a woman in chiled birth
fallin
fallin
fallin
fallin
letting go and crumbling in dyer pain
some one come and take me away from this place I realy wish I could become a bird and fly to far off lands, fly in to a fary tale where finly my happy ever ending flinly happens
This path I'm on is littered with my heart.....

Tonight I reached a place where I fealt like I could barly stand it any more where I just wanted to run with tears running down my face not knowing where I was going or caring where I ended I just wanted to get out of where I had put my self in.. One attack after another hitting my heart fealing numb yet screaming inside...... O how I heat where I am at this very moment I rely just want to have a good long cry!!!!!!

My heart is braking over my brother Dana I dont know where he is if he is going to live threw another day... If I going to ever see him again. Or when I do wich one of him an I going to see.. He is becoming a monster to every one he is around... He is hurting us all and he dous not even know it or if he duse he realy dose not give a crap.. He is braking hearts and lives. He may have gottion a girl pragnet.. She told me she was going to get ride of it but I told here I would or my family would take the baby for her...
Wow my heart is so heavy..
I scream out for him all the time tears have flown down my face for him so many of theys last few days.. I have been fighting for him un till I fall to my kneeys with out any more straingth..

My heart is being wonded time after time. I put my heart out there for it to get thrown down on the grown. my life is becoming an ofering to be taken and thrown away in the same moment..O wow you can trruly be strong for so long untill you can hold any more.. I'm trying to be strong daddy but I dont feal strong right now I feal so broken like I cant stand it any more.. God There is this guy.. When I looked at him I saw the love of God flowing from him in a mighty way. I could barly help my self but to be drwn to him... I let my seld get close to him. To look at him and my heart would leap and I would start smilling so big.. wow...
I just became realy good friend with a girl named Kristy be got closs very fast.. But to find out they where realy good friends. And yup once again I get in the middle of theys two amazing peopl with out knowing they even knew each other..
I found out that she likes him and this puts me in a very bad place. where I want to just let them both Go and hide my head in the dirt and cry.. I dont get him at all he is like this tuchy guy with both of us like he had his arm around me then his arm around me. Its so crazy that I want to laugh and just walk away from him.... I'm realy mad I heat how I feal right now I'm MAD MAD MAD MAD MAD MAD MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


LIFE AT THIS MOMENT REALY SUCKS WITH PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then as im dealing with the realy bad fealing insde with being this just another girl fealing again. trust me I know this feal way to well.. It makes me want to get out and fight someone.... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr :/

Then I get a text that my brother is falling apart.. O God my chest is barly rising its so heavy I cant take it. I want to run to a place I feal safe where I can breath.. but at this moment I dont have a safe place I dont have any arms I can run into... I want to let go I dont want to hold on any more I dont want to be strong I realy cant I cant handle any more..

I'm a girl longin to dance with the joy of life but every thing is aggains me.
every thing around me is bound to brake me down. To take my joy from me.

LOED HELP ME I CaNT FLY MY WINGS ARE SO BROKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!